hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
