A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
