On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
