my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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