are you still at the devil's house?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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