Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
