I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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