i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
