He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
now i know why i became what i already was.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
