Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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