I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
