there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, beer. Big fan.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
