i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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