Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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