Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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