hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
