butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
look no pants
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
