I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
