Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
do nipples grow back?
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