yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
