my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
