We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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