What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
