Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
