Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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