I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
