Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
