I love black thongs
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
