We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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