Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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