Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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