I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to wash the frat house off of me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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