oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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