She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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