Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
