why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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