i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
