Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
