at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
