She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she told me i tasted like america
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
