There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
