All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
