After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
