also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
