We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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