Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
