I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
