woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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