Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
