Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
