Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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