i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
