i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
